I'm waiting anxiously for my guitarist to answer my texts, not to talk about our last gig, not to send me our next song, but because the last text he sended me was 2 weeks ago, I don't sleep anymore, it hurt so bad, I can only understand people who decide to take their own life, it hurt so fucking bad.
It took me back to when my best friend were sending pictures of her empty bottle of vodka and box of pills while telling me 'I can't take it anymore, i don't know how i'm gonna get through this'..... It took me back to 19 years old me, deciding on Christmas night that i was too tired for this life.
I work everyday with people who are in emotional and/or physcological distress. From the 80 years old woman who just want to die because she's in a wheel chair and can barely grab a spoon to the 11 years old little boy who cuts his veins a month earlier to 6 years old who only talk about death and kick and punch everything every single seconds of the day.
And if i had to say something, just one thing, after all those years working with so many people is that: Your pain matter, no matters, not the reseaon why you are in pain!
I met some kids who tried to killed themselves after their dog passed away; Other after being
abused by their father. I met some grown up who are in deep emotional distress because their kids left home and their marriage is going wrong; Other because they have severe health problems
And.....a guitarist who's in deep pain and distress after his girlfriend left him, a friend you were trying to forget about her abortion with vodka and pills, 19 years old me who just wanted her mother not to abandon her for money.
There's no valid or invalid reason to feel emotionaly destress, like there is no valid or
invalid reason to suicide.
Trust me, some of your friends are gonna loose their whole family in a car crash and get through it and some are gonna divorce and feel like they can overcome it. And it's perfectly acceptable! It doesn't mean that you are weak or incapable to face problems or incapable to face life. It just mean, that, right now, at this time of your life this particular pain is to heavy for you to carry all alone.
And you should always seek for help, always! Never stay alone thinking that the reason of your pain is not 'important enough' if you feel suicidal or in distress, trust me, it's important enough, no matter if your in pain because of bullying, or your cat death or a breakup or because you feel bad in your own shoes.
Your life matter and your pain matter, express it to whomever you feel you can trust and won't judge you and if you don't want to talk about it to someone you know, here's a list of hotlines (mostly anonymous one) listed by countries: http://togetherweare-strong.tumblr.com/helpline
I'm still waiting for my guitarist to answer me back 40 minutes later but i already seeked help for him, because it's not 'just a breakup' it's the reason of his deep pain and distress, and this 'just a breakup' is enough to care.
I'm Kcatt, i'm a Member of Amnesty Int Emergency Action and a Women's and human's Rights Activist and former memeber of WWF.