So this is how it goes at the moment. We work. We get up. Exhausted. Extorted. Money on train fare, bus fare, next there will be a price in walking in clean air. Get to work. Either 30 mins early or 30 minutes late, if you're in the north the trains don't run on time and the people that bought the companies couldn't give a flying fuck and install robots instead of people, at a cheaper labour cost to them, but doesn't make a blind bit of difference to the paying public. Get to work, work hard, try to work hard, try to be positive and not be transparant with how your mind has been racing all morning.
You're stressed, you're tired, you're already worried about the £15 you've spent on getting to work, because your wage hasn't increased for the past three years. Most jobs reducing rates to not include your travel time, so if you live outside an 'emerging' city the cost works out even higher. Try not to think about it, moneys money, its not whats important right? There will always be more? Finish the morning, go for lunch. Gone are the days when you and your co-worker would nip out to a nice coffee shop and sit down for half an hour as a welcome break from the office. Race out, just to try and breath in some daylight. Everywhere is innundated with people. Decide to get a meal deal from the supermarket, the same supermarket that has paid its price for the UK monopoly on shopping, priced out the local traders and popped up 4 supermarkets in the city centre. Its lunch so 'popping in' is a distant dream. Groups of confused people make their way to the self-service because the checkouts are full. We make our way to an automated machine that demands our money without so much as a thank you, again the price of things in the supermarket is the same even though the labour costs are reduced. Grab whatever tat it is they wrap in plastic packaging to contribute to poinsening the worlds oceans and step outside. Walk past the homeless guy in the street, maybe he used to work In that supermarket, maybe his parents were traders that were priced out and the bank refused to help him with a loan to start his own buisness and support himself and his parents, but probably not, probably just a drug addict thats extorting us worse than anyone else....right?
Got the food. Don't even sit down. Eat it on the way back to work. Eat to fast now feel naseous. Check your new iphone for messages from friends, loved ones, likes on instagram, feed full of people that seem to be finding it easier? Go back to work to finish the day to pay for the iphone that puts us to sleep. Finish the day and get ready for the commute home. Get pushed, shoved, elbowed, kneed and toed all the way to the train. First train is cancelled. Nobody cares, we still pay anyway. Who knew compliency was so expensive. Get on the train and want to switch off all the noise. Scroll through your phone, everyone elses day was great? Look at them smiling, having a great time, how do they do it? They must earn more money. Thats where I'm going wrong, I need more money to feel better that would make everything better. Its all my fault, every essay I slept on, every exam that I winged, every night I went out when I shouldn't have has all stopped me bettering myself and its all my fault. Its because i'm fat. If I iwas more beautiful then I wouldn't have to worry about this, if I was beautiful I wouldn't have these problems. If I was thinnner, and richer, and had time to do yoga and go running everyday then I would feel better. Everyone else is coping, its obviously just me? I spiral and spiral and spiral and make plans, and pinterest boards, and look for jobs that pay more, the money I get still going back to the trains that don't work, with people that don't like me. And supermarkets that destroy our labour economy without a blink at our social ecology.
Sure. That'll do it.
So I get the job. I'm more tired, spend more time at work. More money on trains and now taxi's. Still dont have the time or money I need to be comfortable. I'm 30 and saving for a house and still have another 5 years before thats possible. I work and spend and work and spend and drink and work and spend and still nothing seemes to change. The machines take my money without a snifff at a thank you. The food fills me but i'm empty. Empty because its my fault. Its my fault. Its just all my fault. I work until I break. I'm signed off for anxiety. I'm given beta-blockers for the palpatations and the doctor re-assures me that yes. It is all my fault. But things might still be fine. I take the drugs. I stay in. Can't spend money, can't go out and eat because i'm fat. Can't go out and drink because its dirty. I stay in and eventually sign on. I can't go back to work' I need to quit my job. I'm on the waiting list for the NHS to get the support I need, the spupport they told me I need, because im mentally ill. Because the stress is killing me right. They tell me they'll 'BRB' as they pop in, franchise and sell the NHS off for the most they can make. The people that do it put their finances into an account so they don't have to pay the tax on their profit. They don't pay tax on the profit that could have saved the NHS in the first place. They are above that, I understand. Rich people aren't really part of our economy are they? If you think about it? They are above it, they pay for their health, to keep their wealth. They would never tread the floors of a public hospital, or a public school. Because they are in fact, not the public. Because who would want that? When they come back they tell me i'm on a waiting list. I tell them my anxiety has exculated into depression. I can't move. I can't breath. I'm paralysed by my own ineptitude. My own uselessness. I scroll through articles reading about how it is all my fault but I can improve if I just put my mind to it. If I just put my mind to to. If im mindful. If my mind is full of myself. If I fill my mind full of myself then i'll be able to figure it out. So I try. I try everything. I fill my social media with myself. Things about me. Things that I think. Things that will help me. Things about axiety about mental health. How its ok. And it is. And we should. And I find people that think the same, and we're all drowning in our own uselessness because its all our fault. Because everything is in place to help us, but we are just doing it wrong? Meanwhile. In parliament, behind the doors of social media, laws are past. Money is dealt. Wars are agreed, to tread on foreign soil for the government to do to them what they have done to us. Disect the planet and franchise their culture. The 1% makes plans as how to debilitate its public. And what better way to do it that convince everyone that it is all their fault. They fill their screens with problems, with mirrors, with images of death, desctruction, and famine, all because the public isn't working hard enough to give more money to charity. Donate more! Give more! Whatever you are doing isn't enough. This is your fault! Because you were so busy being distracted with your own problems you forgot about world hunger, which was your fault in the first place because your so fat and lazy that you probably caused it right? Do more! Can't you see the economy is failing and its your fault?! Can't you see the NHS is flailing and its your fault? Can't you see that public education, the public sector, and public safety is failing and you guessed it, you know it as well as I do, its your fault!
Its not your fault. Its not our fault. Its not our fault that our government, international governments, decide that they were above their own humanity. It is not our fault that our government traded imaginary bank interest in for human lives. It is not our fault that our government reduces our wage, increases our hours, to syphen public money into their own accounts in the name of austerity. An asuterity that does not exist. Austerity only exists for the public. It doesn't exist when the government is finding ways of waivering corproate tax, for bribes to line their pockets for sums that could eradicate the housing crisis and then some. It is not your fault that the internet is full of things telling you that it is your fault. The adverts with innocent people dying, world poverty and hunger, with its fingers pointed for YOU to help. Followed by an advert that says if you don't support your own health then you will get cancer and die. It is not your fault that this makes you unquestionably sad. That getting out of bed in the morning becomes harder and harder. It is not your fault. It is their fault. For raising you on false promises and empty laws and lies that have been put in place to protect the wealthy. It is their fault that they take numbers of people. They collect digits in their bank accounts for what, a rainy day? When the Ark flooded it was the sinners that drowned not the saints. They collect numbers, and salaries like prizes, a private competition between the wealthiest people in the world. They collect numbers, whilst you give them away. The guilt of a child starving bears down on you, because trying to support yourself in a false economy means you can't volounteer. It is their fault that they don't accept responsibility for being the most violent abusers of an international system that is killing the human race. It is their fault that their guilt is drowned out by champagne. It is their fault that the bitter taste of denial is masked out by oysters at lunchtime and the noise of the streets is drowned out in the private cars there are driven in. It is their fault. The stress, the anxiety, the problems are created for you to drown in. Drown in yourself. God forbid you realise who put you there, and your fingers point to the eye of dirty democracy in our no more free state. Some countries are owned by relgion. Some are owned by war. All are owned by money.
This anxiety that you are living with. It is not your fault. Don't get sad. Get mad. Get angry that you literally can't help yourself no matter how hard you try. Don't spend your energy fighting with the public. They are drowning just as much as you, sold one lie dressed as 'Brexit' the other dressed as 'Austerity' the other dressed as the 'Iraq War'. It is not your fault that your Facebook feed comes at a high price for the ones that one to keep you tired. And asleep. Notice how government laws are not discussed on your news feed, and nobody in Westminster is worried about movements that happen and the end of peoples fingers on their sofa's. Movements take movement. Take moving. Moving away. Moving up. Moving in. Moving in on those that are doing their absolute best to keep you down. And they will. Unless you remember. It is not your fault. Its theirs. Demand answers. Demand documents. Demand tactics. Demand democracy.