As I open my laptop, with the hopes of writing another blog, or cruising the latest articles over the internet, I find myself losing any will to do something pro-active in all of 30 seconds...
For every page I open with articles about domestic violence, slut shaming, or the ever booming rape culture, there is pages and pages of women holding up signs, or posting articles about how they ‘don’t need feminism’ because they ‘like to be treated like a woman’ or they are ‘happy to serve my man’. I find myself slowly spiraling inwards as to how to write a blog entry that is honest, interested, and most importantly open to discussion, when it seems that everything has been said, or there are those that don’t want to hear it.
It reminds me of an article I read a few years ago called ‘I don’t want to be a feminist anymore’ where the writer, with exasperation spoke about the exhausting nature of feminism. How what has been seen cannot be ‘unseen’, and that sometimes it would be easier to live in ignorance than it would be to question, and challenge the current situations regarding women’s rights.
With the wealth of positive, and negative and frankly useless information on the internet, I’m starting to question what it is that is actually useful. Is it still useful for women’s voices to be heard, to open platforms for communication in the hope that other women/men/and gender neutral people will use it to promote positivity and honest communication. Sometimes it seems like running at brick wall at full pelt. I also have to painfully self aware that I am in a ‘sector’ of feminism. That unfortunately I find myself probably being categorized as a ‘toxic white feminist’. It seems that now more than ever, if we as women need terms to understand and support each-other than its probably time to do that now, rather than throwing around negative and mildly derogatory terminology that can prove to be more negative than positive (not that the message is wrong, I think its valid and something that definitely needs to be addressed, I don’t feel able to that with this label)
The reason I started this blog, which I return to, was to talk about the actual issues surrounding women’s rights, rather than the terminology around feminism, but it seems now I have come full circle and am craving for someone to tell me exactly what kind of feminist I am because frankly I don’t know anymore. I don’t consider myself from the ‘Lena Dunham’ school of feminism, where one perhaps would preach about women’s rights, and yet be photographed in some of the most damaging fashion magazines (see ‘Falling out of love with Lena for more details about my feelings towards that) I am frustrated that ‘white feminism’ is represented by these women (Taylor swift included. Misery.) and that the rest of us are falling under that umbrella. If that’s what feminism is, then I really don’t want to be a Feminist anymore. It was only a number of years ago that being a feminist was the most unattractive and not accepted term for women of my age, and now, we have men on tinder with the taglines:
"I'M PROBABLY MORE FEMINIST THAN YOU"
Really? Are you? You think it’s cool that there are people working to defend women, rape being used as a war weapon, or used at legislative punishment? You think it’s cool that there is an abhorrant amount of women that die of domestic violence in this country let alone the amount of women that are beaten/abused/murdered overseas on a daily basis, or you think it’s cool that girls in our schools are being shipped out of the country to be genitally mutilated? Because Feminism is cool right! What they want to indulge in is the idea of feminism rather than the reality. Feminism is not an IMAGE. And if anything, it is fighting to combat image as part of its struggle. Feminism is not Taylor Swift posing with full make up scantily clad, or Lena Dunham writing and starring in her own HBO TV series with the plotlines solely gravitating towards men and relationships. So please, man on tinder, will you still swipe right when you see me bloody and protesting?
I don’t know if I am a feminist anymore. If feminism is being used as a way to seduce (or antagonize…) women on Tinder. If feminism is being a fan of Taylor swift. If feminism is just white girls problems, I don’t think I want to be a feminist anymore.
But I cannot. And Will not. Stop Trying.